Change is in the air!

Change is in the air!  The first one is that this is no longer just a lesbian blog but moving to a LGBT+ blog!  There will be new authors, videos, and more!  I am so excited for this change!

Another change is there will be a page for churches that are affirming or accepting listed.  This way we can know where to go when visiting or moving to different places.

Keep watch for all the changes!

Lesley

Can you hear me?

Jesus told them, “Go back and tell John what’s going on: The blind see, The lame walk, Lepers are cleansed, The deaf hear, The dead are raised, The wretched of the earth learn that God is on their side. “Is this what you were expecting? Then count yourselves most blessed!”

Matthew 11:4-6

The deaf hear!  As I look at what is going on in our nation, I wonder if the "deaf" hear the cries of the people.  I am not a political person, one to go out and protest, or one to riot.  I am though thinking of my part in things.  I wonder if every person that has been oppressed from race to sexuality got out and stood in front of the white house, what that would do.

I think of Christ and what he would do.  I don't think he would sit quietly and let things happen.  I know he would riot but only destroying what needed to be.  I think this because of him destroying the tax collector booths, he did not destroy the temple, just the injustice of the tax collectors.

I know you know the story but can you just see it?  Here he comes into a temple and sees the injustice so what does he do?  Jesus throws the tables over, sets free the animals, and shouts "Not in my Father's house"

Are not the rioters doing the same?  I get it, innocent people have had damage to their property.  But here they are saying "No more, not in my country!"  There should be no second class citizen.  We should have equality for all!

Mental health should be given to those that need, sexuality should not have to be a coming out story, blacks and other races should not have to live in fear.  I see the differences and am glad for that.  Each person is different.  Each person deserves to strive for the best in life.  Each person deserves a life without fear.

As a white Christian in America, I am privileged to go about life.  Yet as a lesbian, I get shunned for my "lifestyle".  I can't walk hand in hand with a love without catcalling or slurs thrown my way.  I can't walk into a church of Christ and be accepted with a partner for the most part.  I can't show PDA at all without someone saying something.

Some ways we have come a long way, but many areas still need to grow up!  I just pray we learn how to before more lives are taken in some form or fashion.

The struggle is real!

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

1 Corinthians 13:11

I did not know of a better scripture for this.I thought there would be one on struggling with the mind.  But this is as close as I could get.  See I am struggling in my mind.  The battle is real.  Am I to live in celibacy for ever or will I find love at my side?

I read so much that my mind is full of questions and not really finding answers.  Is it okay to be in a loving relationship with the same sex?  Or is it not?  I once had a clear view on this.  I thought that I knew where I stood.  I could debunk any scripture and was sure I stood on solid ground.  Now days though, I struggle.

I don't want to live in sin if it is wrong and I don't want to be alone forever.  And then I think is it really that I think it is wrong or do I think dating is wrong for me?  I mean my picker is broken and all past relationships have turned to turmoil.  

I have been in one abusive relationship after another, been taken advantage of, and left at times wondering why.  My heart has been broken so many times, that I wonder if it can take one more.  I am blessed right now and don't want that to end.

I think, though, about when my folks are gone, what will happen to me?  Will the church be there?  Will close friends?  Will I live alone?  Will I make it?  Fear is setting in and I don't like it.  I want know what will happen to me.

God don't let us know the future though, we live in the now.  So why am I worrying through negative meditation?  These are true fears, but that don't mean they have to control me.  One day, maybe, I will know more and state a firm belief, for now I will read and study.

Hate can come through even if in love

Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ. Let nothing in your conduct hang on whether I come or not. Your conduct must be the same whether I show up to see things for myself or hear of it from a distance. Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people’s trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they’re up against: defeat for them, victory for you—and both because of God. There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting. You’re involved in the same kind of struggle you saw me go through, on which you are now getting an updated report in this letter.

Philippians 1:27-30 The Message (MSG)

I am going to rant a second!  Just cause you think that being gay is a switch to turn on or off does not mean it is!  It is not like being fat and choosing to stay that way as it was put to me recently.  It is not like addiction that you manage.  Being gay is embedded into your soul.  Now, do I believe that we choose to act on it?  Yes, but you straight people choose to act on your straightness.  I know that this should not get under my skin but it did.

I wish people would say what they mean and not use stories to say it at times.  I get it, Christ always used a story, but there were times he just frankly stated something.  I guess you can say though that I am hurt that today people still see it as a choice and something that can be prayed away or turned off.

I keep reading the scripture above.  "Your courage and unity will show them what they're up against" sticks out.  Us in the LGBT+ community have to be in unity.  We have to have courage to speak up.  The other part that sticks out is "There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting."  I know now what it means to suffer in Christ and for Christ.

I suffer at the thought that I will never have a mate to come home to.  I chose this, but don't mean I don't suffer at it.  I suffer when others say you can't be gay and Christian.  I did not choose to gay, but I did choose my Christianity!  Yet some who are make it where I want to rethink this Christian thing.  Then I remember I chose Christ, not people, I chose His love, not others.  

My mind is racing as I type this and there is so much I wish to say.  I just can't get it to slow down enough to get it all out. 

I go to the first verse in the passage above.  "Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ"  Am I doing this?  Am I living where Christ is seen first in my life and not my sexuality?  My sexuality, though big to some, is just a small part of my life.  I am also a birth mother, daughter, diagnosed with mental health, alcoholic, mental health peer specialist, and more.  Not one thing defines me, but if one did, I would want it to be Christian. 

I don't know where I stand on some things and I know that is okay.  I know what to do till I do.  I trust God, first and foremost.  I compare things to His word, not just one translation but many.  I study and I learn.

Will I date one day or even shall I say marry another?  I don't know.  Right now celibacy is working and took a load off my mind. I do know that my choices are just that, mine!  I live with the consequences.  Not another pays my debts, except Christ did.  He chose to do so.

Okay, I will step down off my box.... I don't have all the answers, but I do know how to find them when God reveals them to me!

Helping others learn about lesbianism.

No scripture today, just thoughts.  I have many that don't approve of my lifestyle, but love me anyways.  This is hard as I can't just talk about it openly.  I have to skirt the subject.  I so wish though that these people would turn to affirming.  I support their heterosexual life.

I know that I could just let them be, but they are missing out on big parts of my life.  Like I can't talk about the amazing women I talk to or dates or anything that reaffirms that I am gay.  It is like it cuts a part of me away.

You would think that by now we would be more affirming, but no, not yet.  Yes things have come a long way in society, but not in the church.  No matter how much I suggest books to read. It does not happen.  No matter what scriptures I say, it falls on deaf ears.  No matter what, some just don't accept it.

You may be thinking just drop them if they can't accept all of me, but then I could not testify to them that Christian Lesbian is a real thing.  And besides, we are not talking acquaintances but family and life long friends.  It is hard to not be able to tell your own parents about your love life or dating experiences.  Every woman you go see has to be a friend and not more.

In fact, my family goes as far to say that I will be celibate the rest of my life. Uhm, no.  I want a wife.  I want to experience love again.  I want to be in love with my best friend (no not those I call my best friends, but a new best friend).  I want romance.

It is just hard.  I have some that are affirming, but their either gay or don't care if I am.  My three best friends don't care.  But I want my family on board.  It hurts to not share my life with them fully.  So, I let things not all be known to save from fighting.  I hide me.

Well, I am tired of hiding me for the sake of others.  I am tired of being in the closet cause being out makes another uncomfortable.  No I am not in it for the most part, just when around certain people.  I mean I hear about their relationships, their love life, but they don't hear about mine!?  What is up with that?

I tell people, you teach others how to treat you, but this one has me baffled.  I treat them with respect and stand behind them.  Yet, I don't get the same.  I don't know if things will change, but I had to get this out.

What do you do to help others accept and affirm you?

Online Retreats, its a real thing!

This past weekend I was honored to be a part of an online retreat.  With the pandemic going on, we could not meet in person, so the great people of Center Peace, put one out there on zoom.  At first, I was not sure how this would go down, but it was amazing and I came out of it with new friends!

We had some amazing authors in it!  Justin Lee, Karen Keen, Sally Gary, and Matthew Vines!  All who has amazing books.  (I say amazing a lot these days, lol!)  I love how personal they were and hearing their stories.

In the retreat, we all got to share.  And trust me, 30+ people on zoom, it takes a lot to pull that off.  But, zoom has break out rooms!  So we split up in groups of six and shared.  Though this was online, I still feel connected to some and was able to exchange numbers and become friends on Facebook.  I do though miss the in person interactions, the staying up and chatting, the hugs, the wholeness found in an in person retreat, but this was still amazing!  Center Peace really did a great job with it!

I came out of the retreat with a renewed spirit to write here, write on my book, and grow more with God.  I don't know why I set this down, but I do know I will pick it back up again!  I also came out with a spirit of reading.  I have a list now to get read.  I will be posting reviews as I finish them.

I recommend if you can do any retreat or conference with Center Peace to do it!  Their website is www.centerpeace.net!  It is an amazing organization!

New year, New you, New church!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17

In just a couple days, it will be 2018!  Wow this past year has been quick but amazing!  I could post about how this blog has now 65,000 readers or I could post the good that has happened in my life like getting baptized, but no, I want to talk about the new year, a new you, and a new church!  I want to talk about how all this can be possible!  But most importantly, none of it is possible unless you take God with you!

So let's talk about the new year!  What will it mean?  Well, it could be an amazing year, it could be an incredible year, it could be the year of a life time!  How you ask?  Well start with this, give your life to God, be baptized, and announce Christ as God's son who died for you!  When you walk with God and have him first in your life, everything else falls into place.  It is not always amazing, but I would not give my worst day with God to have my best day without Him again.  Even when things go down hill, as they will, I know I am not alone and I know that the creator of everything, well, He has my back!  The God who made me, the God who died for me, the God who was raised for me, well He did all that for you too and has our back!

This year, start it with Him and that brings us to a new you!  There is lots of resolutions that you can make, but the problem with that is they are stopped at some point only to be resolutions again the next year.  So, how do you get your new you?  Start with prayer, pray daily and make your life a daily prayer.  You know the nice thing about prayer?  You can do it any where!  No really you can!  You don't even have to get out of bed!  Now that you have prayed, read!  Just a couple minutes.  Start with reading the Bible, just a chapter!  To know how to be a new you, you have to read the book that will get you there!  Then I also include a meditation/daily devotional book!  This will only take a minute!  Yet it will open your eyes to different ways to look at God's word and help you know it better.  Now, what do you do?  Sing!  Yes, I said sing!  I personally choose songs that I have sung my whole life, but singing will help you open up and get energized for the day!  Okay, now, get on with your day.  And the good news, over the time, because you bring God with you now, you will be more apt to deal with the day.

You may be saying, how does all that make a new me?  Well simple, when you start your day with God, then you are able to continue your day with God.  And when you take God through your day, then you will be more apt to act as someone with God.  Think about it, when you are feeling God close to you, then you are more going to act in His ways.  How do you get close to God?  Prayer, reading the Bible, praising Him, and continueing it through the day!

So, now that we have talked about a new year and a new you, what is this about a new church?  Simple, we go to church to learn about God, be with His people who are the church, and grow.  Well, if you are living a new life, you may find that church becomes more too!  You may find that your church is needing to be new too!  Does it teach God, Christ, and their love?  Do you leave feeling uplifted?  Or is it pushing an agenda?  And is church being taught as being the building or is it the people?  Who is the head of the church?  Is the Bible even opened?

If you can't answer these questions, it is time to rethink things!  I am very proud of where I go to meet the church.  Westbury knows that Christ is head of the church and that the church is the people.  It teaches acceptance, love, and goes deep into God's word.  I know though, if it got into politics, if it started teaching things that are not of God, than I can go to the Elders and Ministers and voice my concerns.  Westbury Church of Christ is a new church!  I say that it is new not because of it's age as it has been around for some time now, I say it is new because it does not follow the norm.  It is an eclectic gathering of God's people that teach our job is to love God and grow in Him.  It teaches we are to tell others of Him.  It teaches that we are to be loving to all.

So if you can, change your church to look upon God's teaching again, but if that is not possible, come to Westbury!  Experience a conservative yet liberal, open, accepting, loving church!

This new year, be a new you, be a new church, and start it with God!  And so here is where I give you this, get baptized today and become a new being, being my brother or sister or what ever pronoun you give yourself.  Join a church home and belong to a community that will be there for you!  And live a life that others say, who is that?  Wow, I want what they got!

God can lead you to a new life, I can tell you how my new life happened and how good it is, but you have to choose it for yourself!  Don't go another day!  If you are ready for you life to change and be baptized, come this Sunday to Westbury Church of Christ at 10 AM and do it!  If don't want to wait till then, call me at 832-570-7023 and if I don't answer I will call you right back and we will set up a way to do it!  And most importantly, you need a community to support you, so join a church.  Though I would like you to join mine, but you don't have to, just get plugged in!

Here is to a new year and life!

What is it like being in the Church of Christ and a lesbian?

I think the questions I get asked the most is: Why the Church of Christ?  Are there not more accepting churches out there?  Won't I feel more acceptance at one of them?  Doesn't the Church of Christ condemn being gay? How do you deal with that?

These are good questions.  Let's start with the why question.  Simple, I grew up in the Church of Christ.  It is what I know and feels the most comfortable at.  It also helps that the preacher is a life long friend.  The Church of Christ has the values I want in my life, beliefs that I hold dear, and way of doing things that feel like home.  It is my spiritual home.

Yes, there are more churches out there that are more accepting of gays and lesbians, but I find them to be more about "look at how we accept you" than about being on the topic of God and Christ.  I want to go to church and feel like I have worshipped and got a lesson on God and not just told of how accepting of gays a church is.  This is one reason I love the Church of Christ, it is not pushing an agenda, just talking about God and all about Christianity.

Does the Church of Christ condemn being gay?  Depends on which one you go to!  The Church of Christ is autonomous and each one can choose what it holds onto in each subject.  For instance, some of the churches have musical instruments and some don't.  Some are liberal and some are conservative.  The one I go to believes that what you do in your personal life is between you and God.  That we are not there to condemn but to come as a body to worship God.

I have some in my church that doesn't approve of my lifestyle, some who tolerate it, and some that approve.  Yet each one of them accepts me as me!  This makes it very easy to deal with being gay in the church.  We teach "Love the sinner, but hate the sin in your own life and when you get rid of it, then go to your brother and help him."  None of us get rid of sin in our own life, not completely, so, therefore, we cannot go to our brother and fix his life.  We can pray for them though!

One of the reasons though that I stay with the Church of Christ though is how can I expect the church to grow to accept gays if I don't stay?  I am involved in helping people understand being gay and what that means.  I am there to show that we are humans too.  I am there for the next person that wants to come along and be part of.  I am there to help the parent of a gay child to understand their child.  If the church is to change, it needs people to be part of, not walk away because it is easier elsewhere.

The Church of Christ has come a long way, but it still has a way to go.  One day, I know it will be a church that gays are not scared to go to!  I will be there to see it happen and I will know that maybe, just maybe, with God by my side, I had a part to play in that!  So this is why I am in the Church of Christ and why I stay!

Guilt of being a Christian and Lesbian...Is there any?

Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me?

John 8:46

Today I got an email that asked a very important question. It was "Please how do you handle the guilt of being a Christian and a lesbian?"  I have been meaning to write on this subject for some time now and just not gotten to it.  I get asked this a lot believe it or not.

I honestly don't have any guilt.  Not from that!  Sure I have guilt in my life, but it stems from sins that are not because I am gay.  I don't feel being gay as a sin.  I have read too many books on the matter and studied too much to believe that it is wrong to be gay.  I honestly believe that I didn't just wake up one day and say "Hey, I think I am gay"  No, I know I was born this way.

Knowing that I came from the womb this way, made this way and knowing that in Genesis 1:26 it says that we are made in God's image, then that means even the gay me is in God's image.  I am not a mistake.  It would be like saying an autistic child is not in God's image when really they are more like God than maybe a lot of us are.

So with this knowledge, I can not feel guilty that I am gay.  Yet that does not say that I can not have the guilt of acting on being gay, so the question is do I?  No!  Not one bit!  Why?  You may be saying, "But Lesley, there is scripture that says it is wrong!"  Is there?  I have studied these scriptures left, right, sideways, and all around.  Read books about them, and come to the conclusion that really it was not the act of homosexuality but the acts of rape and idolatry that they are talking about in them.

Nowhere in the Bible does it actually say, "Homosexuality, the act of a loving committed relationship, is wrong!"  It does say that acts that are of cruel nature, acts that are worshipping other gods are wrong, but not where it is natural for a person to love another and committed to that person.

In 1 John 3, we read of God's love and how we are to love.  I honestly believe that where there is love, then there is God.  Where there is hate, then there is not God.  How then can you explain that a gay couple can flourish and grow who love's God and each other?  Because God is in their life!  I am single, I love God, and since I have come home to the church, pronounced my love of God, and moved forward in my walk with God, He has been evident in my life!  How you may ask?  Well, I have been flourished at work with more sales that increased my pay, got a better living arrangement, got a brand new car, this blog has flourished, and I have been blessed with a slew of new friends.

So no, I don't feel guilty being gay and Christian.  I love that I am both!  I don't have an issue with it.  And I pray for the day when one doesn't have to say "Gay Christian" and we are all just Christian.  Just like I pray for the day we are all just people not straight or gay, but just people.  Till then, I don't mind being the Church of Christ Lesbian plowing through this world one blog post at a time hoping to help others know it is okay and to form your own opinion that there are others of us out there!

God bless you and know you don't have to feel guilty!

You are not alone!

 Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote,

God is there, ready to help;
I’m fearless no matter what.
Who or what can get to me?
Hebrews  13:5-6

In life it is easy to think that we are alone.  I fight with this a lot.  I soon will be living alone with just my dog and part of me thinks that life will be like this forever.  I forget though that I am truly not alone.  I have friends, I have family, and I have God.

It is easy though for my mind to say things like "they will leave" or "they are not here now with you" and for me to get depressed.  Yet I don't have to look far to find scripture that says God is right there with me.  I need that!

This world can get lonely, friends may leave, family dies, and at times you will reach out and no one is able to be there, but God always reaches back.  One reason I love having a dog, is no matter what, she is there.  I can snuggle up to her, and tell my day to her.  Well, no matter what, I can pray and tell my day to God.  I may not always feel God, but I can tell my day to God.

And when I really need a human touch, I have prayed for God to send someone and you know what, someone has always appeared.  Maybe not who I thought or how I thought, but someone has always appeared to be there for me.  And sometimes, it is them reaching out for help.  Which got me out of me!

We are not alone in this world, God made us to be social!  That is why He gave us a church family.  Utilize that!  Reach out to them.  Get to know them!  Make connections!  How else are you to have people who care if you don't get to know them?

And this goes to me too!  I am horrible at reaching out and getting to know mine.  I don't go eat with people and go to functions where I get to know them.  I don't participate in extra things.  I say hi to just a few.  But I am working on it.

Church is important and surrounding yourself with God's people is important.  Well, I am going to leave it with that and go join my church in playing some softball!  Taking my own words to heart!

Accepting the gay you from others!

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ’s table, wouldn’t it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn’t eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God’s welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.

Romans 14:1-4

What a powerful scripture!  Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do!  Not force your belief or only accept those that see things exactly as you do!  But welcome fellow believers.  Accept people as they are.  

For those that don't know, I have been struggling with my own family accepting the fact that I am a lesbian.  They think that I can't be a lesbian and a Christian.  They use the scripture to say this, though I have studied the same ones and see it different.  They refuse to agree to disagree on this. 

This is a hard pill to swallow.  I mean I accept them. I accept all of them.  I see them accept all of my brother.  He is no saint and I see them accept him.  He drinks, sleeps around, brings over women that he lives with and not married to, and they accept it.  But because it is a straight relationship, it is okay and they accept it.  But me, no, I will never feel this kind of acceptance.

I will never be able to bring home my girlfriend.  I will never be able to have family at my wedding when that happens.  I can't talk about who I am seeing.  I can't talk about what I dream about.  I am expected to live a life alone.  And it hurts.

This is not acceptance.  This is rejection.  This is putting me in a cell.  This is forcing a life on me that is not what I feel God would want for me.  I know that I am not alone in this.  I know that there are others out there that have it even worse.  Who may say, at least your family is talking to you and not disowning you.

At one time they did, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I don't know what happened that changed their mind, but something did.  I guess God.  I know I am blessed that they are talking to me and love me and not turning their back away, but still the fact that they won't accept all of me and that there is a part of my life that they will never be a part of, hurts.

I know walking this life, there are going to be people in this world that don't accept the fact that I am a lesbian.  There are going to be those in the church that won't accept that.  Yet God teaches us to accept fellow believers even when we don't see eye to eye.   And you know what, a friend of mine said it best, "Let's say there is a billion people on this earth and two don't accept you and refuse to.  Well there are 999,999,998 who accept you as you are!"

Can a lesbian be baptized?

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

Romans 6:4

The simple answer to the question is yes, a lesbian can be baptized!  How do I know? Cause I was just baptized!  I know what you are thinking, you have been writing this blog for awhile and you are saying you just now got baptized?  Well, I was baptized as a kid, say about 12.  I did it then cause my folks wanted, the rest of the kids were doing it, but I didn't believe then.  I believed that others believed, but I didn't.  I wanted to make others happy.

So, now as an adult, I started questioning that baptism.  Was it for real?  I never questioned it before and always called myself a Christian, but now that I was taking God serious and really believing, I wanted things to be right.

So after much meditation, talking with the preacher, and prayer, I did it.  I took the plunge.  And you know what, I understand the freedom and high that others talk about now.  I understand feeling clean from it now.  I didn't come out of saying I am straight, no I am still gay.  I didn't come out perfect, I will still have faults, I am human after all.  Yet, I came out feeling like I have a clean slate, like a new person who now has a fresh start in life.

I came out not feeling guilty for the first time in years.  I imagine I was and am the first lesbian that my church has ever baptized.  Yet I know I won't be the last.  I know, now, that I can be used by God to the full extent He has planned as truly one of His children.

I am found now, no longer lost.  I died to self and raised in Him.  So yes, if you are gay, you can be baptized and that part of you, will still be there!  It is part of you!  God just takes away that which is sinful and the past that made you unacceptable in His eyes.

So, now, what will this mean for me?  Who knows?  All I know, is now that I am God's child through baptism, I will serve Him how He has me.  It is no longer me driving!

Below is my own baptism!

Tapestry Retreat Recap

I could start this out by saying "What happens at Tapestry, stays at Tapestry!" But then how would you my reader know how great it was?  The little line on it where it says a spiritual journey is something that should not be taken lightly!  It is just that!

Before I begin to tell my experience I would like to say that no names will be used.  Tapestry is a safe place and confidentiality is a big thing to provide that safety.  So no names, no pictures of others, just my experience.

I hopped in my car at the crack of dawn Thursday morning and began my trek from Houston, TX to Memphis, TN.  With each mile I drove, my anxiety rose.  I tried to calm it by doing some touristy things like stopping at the state tourist information places.  

I had hoped on the drive to listen to a book called "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines yet I found myself not able to concentrate on the book and drive at the same time.  So that book review will come at a later time.  I instead listened to music and thought about what to expect from the retreat.  My anxiety grew as I mentioned.  I was going to something new where I didn't know any one except for an email to one lady and one phone call.

This was so out of my comfort zone!  I kept thinking what am I doing!  It is not too late to turn around!  Yet, I was on a mission.  I had talked to my preacher about going on this trip and he had asked me to get some nuggets to help the church be accepting of the LGBT community into the church.  This no longer was a trip for me, but a trip to help the church.  How could I let them down?  And besides, I could not let you the reader down and not come back and tell you about it.

So after ten hours I arrived to the most beautiful campground I have ever seen.  Relieved to not be driving any more I turned off the car for the last time and got out.  As I was getting my things, a lady I am glad to call my friend came out and asked if she could help me carry in.  And right away I felt not only accepted but wanted at this event.  That feeling didn't stop either through out the weekend.

I am not going to get into the details of everything that we did through the weekend, that would spoil it for you if you ever decide to go.  I will say this, it gave a space that I could and others could have open conversations about any thing.

We talked about how such things like community, labels that people put on us and how we can combat them, what it means to be a Gay Christian, and so much more.  We played games together.  We grew bonds that I know will be long lasting.

Tapestry is about so much.  It is a God send!  God inspired!  God driven! It is an event for the people that allows the people to freely be themselves and not worry about judgment.  Will I go back?  Every time Tapestry happens, I will make a way to be there!  My world is improved because of it!

I left Sunday to make the drive back with not just tools to give the church, tools to use in my life, answers to some questions, questions I did not know I had, challenges to work through, challenges to make some things happen, ideas for this blog, which right there that list is already a lot, but also a deeper connection to God.

So I recommend to anyone Tapestry.  I recommend Centerpeace.  The people who run it are amazing and one day I hope to volunteer my services to help grow their mission!  

To learn more go to https://www.centerpeace.net/

Going away to a retreat...

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.

Matthew 18:20

Well, I am excited to say that I am running away this Thursday to a retreat put on by CenterPeace. I will be meeting others who are in the Church of Christ and who are part of the LGBT community. I look forward to this. I will be driving 9 1/2 hours from my home in Texas to Tennessee. I have plenty of listening things to keep me going. But this blog will be getting many things when I get back.

One of the things will be of course a recap of the retreat. Then there will be more about CenterPeace. Maybe something about what churches can do to help LGBT members in their own congregations. And also a book review as I will be listening to God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vine on the way up and back.

So till I get back.....hope yall have a good weekend!

To learn more about CenterPeace go to https://www.centerpeace.net/

Only God heals the brokenhearted!

 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

If you have ever been in a relationship, then you have had a broken heart.  I thought I would never heal from mine.  To this day, I still have dreams of her and what we once had.  I can't help but think of her when I go to certain places that we once frequented.  Honestly I love her as much if not more then the day she left.  I hurt because I no longer had her in my life.  I mourned for years over her.  But it wasn't till I got into Christ's church that I began to heal.

I don't know why or how it happened, but I began to be able to think of her and not cry.  I began to not dream as much of her.  I began to go places that I shared with her and not get depressed.  I began to heal.  And when I had given up on love, Christ's love brought me back.

I know it is hard to come back from a broken heart.  I know it is not easy to see the light when darkness is all around you.  I know it is not easy to believe that you will find love again.  I know because that is how I was.

I can tell you though, there is love to be found.  No I am not in a relationship yet, but I had to heal or begin to heal before I could even think of being in one.  Now I know there is someone out there getting ready to meet me and I her.  Who knows, maybe one of us has a lesson to learn first or a difficult thing to get over first.

All I know though, is that God loves me.  He hears me.  He heals me.  God is good and knows what will happen and when I meet my person.  The rest were just training for the real deal!  I just have to have hope and faith.  So if you are out there, don't give up!  Your person is just getting ready for you and you for them!  In God's time you will meet them!

Love one another

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

John 13:34-35

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

With all that is going on in the world, I can't help but think if Christianity is truly followed by all that say that they do, then why is there not more love in the world?  I get not accepting all, but we are commanded to love one another!  I don't accept the actions of say a rapist, but I can love them.

How you may ask can we do that?  Christ didn't say like everyone, but he did say love one another.  So, sometimes that is by just being kind to them, giving food, time, or money to help those in need, or it could be simply praying for them.

Me not loving everyone is like saying God doesn't, but yet He does.  He loved us so much that He gave Christ to die for us and Christ loved us so much that he willingly went to the cross for us.  I can't help but think if I don't love others, what will God think of me?

Love is easy when you realize that it don't mean you have to like everyone.  It is like this, I love my brother, but there are times I can't stand him.  I didn't just stop loving him, I just didn't like him or approve of his actions.

God doesn't see black, white, brown, orange, gay, bisexual, lesbian, poor, rich, etc like we do, those are labels that we put on people.  God just sees a child of His that He loves!

So why do we think because someone is different that we don't have to love them?  Again we are commanded to!  I am to love the person that raped me, the ones that stole all my things at one time, the guy who put a gun to my head, the ones that hurt me, I am to love everyone.  I just don't have to like them or accept their actions.

So if I can love those people, why can't you love those in your own life.  Just pray for them and wish for good in their life.  Don't mean they have to be in your life, liked by you, or their actions accepted.  Just love them.

If God loves the world, even those that do harm, whom am I to not follow the same?

Workout the mind!

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:11

I started doing a boot camp this week to train the body, but there is something much more that needs training and that is the mind!  I truly believe that what you put in is what you put out.  So if you are feeding your brain with positive thoughts, then you will begin to be positive.  It is something that doesn't happen over night though.  We have to train to become that way.

You may be asking what I mean by this.  Well, just because I read the Bible regularly does not mean I will automatically know scripture.  In fact I use www.biblegateway.com to come up with the scriptures for this.  I know though in time I will be able to know more about the Bible the more I train myself in it.

It's a slow process though, but like exercise, I don't start out running a marathon, I have to build up to it.  I don't start out knowing the Bible, I have to start out slow learning it.  And if I can't recall it, it is because I am not feeding my brain with it.

I used to think it was not important to know scripture and then I realized, how can I know God better if I am not reading His word?  We are lucky that we are blessed with a book that we can get into and know God through, there are religions that don't have the same blessing.

In also training my mind, I have to look out for who I have around me.  If I have naysayers around me, then I will become one.  Though if I hang out with positive people, I will be more positive.  

We also need a support group that we can be accountable to.  We were not meant to live alone, so avoiding people is not the answer.  I look at it like this, I go to the gym and work out, I am likely not to keep it up.  But going to this boot camp, where I am with a group with the same goals, I stick with it, even if it is just to see some of them.

So what is the mind support group?  Church of course.  What better way to be around God's people and also in the word?  You get a full workout of the mind!  Is it tiresome at times? Yes!  Does it hurt at times? Yes.  But like working out, you just have to stick to it.

So what are you doing to exercise your mind?

God's love!

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.

Psalm 52:8

With Valentine's just passing, you can't help but think about love.  Being single, it makes me more think of love lost.  I have had some loves that were mind blowing, amazing, and deep and others that I would not even call love just an affectionate situation.  I cared for each, and kind of reminds me of a poem I wrote a long time ago.

Three Strings

By Lesley Domnu

Three strings that can connect us.

One from the head, one from the heart, and one from the "oh my".

Some have one, some two, and some have three.

Each person having different strings and types then the others.

Some a mutual inspiration of the mind.

Some a deep concern and love of the heart string.

Some their touch pulls the passion out.

Each person's strings different.

Some so strong, some weak.

Some made to withstand it all.

So, I give mine, I give some the mind at times.

I give some my heart in all the different forms.

I give some, wouldn't you like to know.

Some have one,

Some have two,

Some have three.

And though some may not see it, it is there.

Though some do not tug back it is there.

Those strings that can hurt to cut sometimes must be.

But my strings are mine to give, not up to you.

And I give freely as long as they are accepted.

So will you play the strings with me and build them?

Will you help them grow and stretch when needed?

Will you pull on it when you need me close?

Will you let the others to others be there?

These strings are mine to give, not yours.

I will fight to keep them, but you have to do you part.

Some have one,

Some have two,

Some have three.

Some will always have the heart string.

Some will never be forgotten.

Some will always just have to ask even to this day and after the pain caused, I will come.

Some will not be understood by others.

But all strings have areas that repairs are made, areas where more thread is added.

These are my strings and I choose, not you.

I think of those strings I gave out and how now they are not there any more.  Did I do something wrong?  In some cases, yes and in others no.  Was I not enough?  Was I too into them?  What went wrong?  I may never know in some circumstances.  

Then I think of others I have loved.  For not all were romantic.  Some people are still there, and for that I am forever grateful.  Others walked away or I walked away.  When loving people, you learn to let go and that nothing is permanent.

And then you have God's love.  It is a love that goes beyond the fault line.  His love is always there.  Whether we are living as we should or not.  He always loves us.   He doesn't have a string given by me but a titanium steal rope that he gives to me.  I did not choose it, but I get to receive it.

God's love is shown not just by the fact He gave His only son to die upon the cross for us, but by the little blessings He gives us each day.  So when you feel that there is no one loving you, no strings being played back, remember that God's love is there and it will never go away.

And if no one told you today, you are loved!  For God loves you like no other and always will!

Bruised Ego

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 16:18

Last night I fell, really hard.  I hit my head on a concrete floor and bruised my knees and shoulder.  I am alright but it got me to thinking. See my pride or ego was bruised too.  I felt helpless laying on the floor with ice on everything.  But taking a fall is not the only way we get our ego bruised.

You can take other kinds of falls, not just physical that will bruise the ego.  For instance, you can loose a sale if you are in sales to a competitor.  Or some one criticizes how you look. Or you find yourself unable to get past a problem without help that at one time you could easily solve.  Yet, when we let ego rule us, we are edging God out.

Sure we can have pride, but we cannot be boastful.  Even in the Bible it talks about pride in good ways, like the following:

We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart.

2 Corinthians 5:12

Yet pride is different then ego.  The definition of each is:

Ego: a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance.

Pride: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

Pride can be healthy, for instance I take pride in being a Christian.  Ego or self-importance can be costly.  It can cost us relationships, jobs, or more.  Ego not in check I believe is one of the most dangerous things that could cost us our place in Heaven.

So how do you know if you are letting ego get in the way?  I ask the following:

• Am I boasting that I did something?
• Am I hurt cause I didn't get something?
• Am I taking credit when God should or someone else should?
• Am I acting like the big person on campus?
• Am I being humble?
• Am I trying to run the show?

If I answer yes to these, then I am not giving God the glory and I am letting my ego get in the way.  I am trying to run the show and say "Hey look at me, look what I did!"

  It says this about who is the one who can do all things:

"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” 

Matthew 19:26

Therefor, I must remember that it is not I that does things, but God.  He opens the ways, He gives me the ability, He allows it.  Let the glory be to Him and let me take a back seat.  So when my ego is bruised, I must remember to take a back seat and let the great Healer take control again.

Are you edging God out of the picture or are you exalting God only?

To belong

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
John 15:19

We all want to belong to something bigger than us.  To be part of, be family, be known, be cared for, to belong to a group.  That is what we get in the church, we belong to a family!  God's Family!

Yet belonging is hard!  What if you don't fit in? What if no one is there for you?  Sure you see everyone at church but then the other hours of the week, you have no contact with any one and no one is there.  What do you do when you want to belong yet have no connection?  

I struggle with this myself.  I let self doubt get in the way of making relationships outside of church, I go and then head home, I don't connect.  Recently I went to a woman's day, it dawned to me that I am that log in the fire that sits on the side and just barely keeps warm.  To really connect, I have to get into the flames.

So how do you do this?  For me, I am downloading the church directory, going to call one or two of the members and see about building something more.  I will go to classes and not just the main service.  And I will get into service work in the church.

If I want to belong to something bigger, then I have to let it belong to me too!  I have to let it in.  I have to pray that doubts be taken away and the strength to reach out to others.  What will you do to belong?