Faith Unashamed (Acoustic) - openly gay Christian Artist, Shawn Thomas

Torn by Justin Lee

Description from Amazon:  

As a teenager and young man, Justin Lee felt deeply torn. Nicknamed "God Boy" by his peers, he knew that he was called to a life in the evangelical Christian ministry. But Lee harbored a secret: He also knew that he was gay. In this groundbreaking book, Lee recalls the events - his coming out to his parents, his experiences with the "ex-gay" movement, and his in-depth study of the Bible - that led him, eventually, to self-acceptance.

But more than just a memoir, Torn provides insightful, practical guidance for all committed Christians who wonder how to relate to gay friends or family members - or who struggle with their own sexuality. Convinced that "in a culture that sees gays and Christians as enemies, gay Christians are in a unique position to bring peace," Lee demonstrates that people of faith on both sides of the debate can respect, learn from, and love one another.

My thoughts:

I love how easy of read this was.  I could not put it down.  I read it in record time.  I could relate to the story of Justin and at times felt myself saying me too!  I recommend this book to any gay christian out there.  Though there was times that I thought hard about where I stand on things, any great book will make you do this.  I love the ease Justin has on it.  

I love how also he reminds us to walk and act in grace.  So often we forget to.  Overall I give this book a five star rating!

The struggle is real!

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

1 Corinthians 13:11

I did not know of a better scripture for this.I thought there would be one on struggling with the mind.  But this is as close as I could get.  See I am struggling in my mind.  The battle is real.  Am I to live in celibacy for ever or will I find love at my side?

I read so much that my mind is full of questions and not really finding answers.  Is it okay to be in a loving relationship with the same sex?  Or is it not?  I once had a clear view on this.  I thought that I knew where I stood.  I could debunk any scripture and was sure I stood on solid ground.  Now days though, I struggle.

I don't want to live in sin if it is wrong and I don't want to be alone forever.  And then I think is it really that I think it is wrong or do I think dating is wrong for me?  I mean my picker is broken and all past relationships have turned to turmoil.  

I have been in one abusive relationship after another, been taken advantage of, and left at times wondering why.  My heart has been broken so many times, that I wonder if it can take one more.  I am blessed right now and don't want that to end.

I think, though, about when my folks are gone, what will happen to me?  Will the church be there?  Will close friends?  Will I live alone?  Will I make it?  Fear is setting in and I don't like it.  I want know what will happen to me.

God don't let us know the future though, we live in the now.  So why am I worrying through negative meditation?  These are true fears, but that don't mean they have to control me.  One day, maybe, I will know more and state a firm belief, for now I will read and study.

Feeling Loved, thank you!

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

Psalm 100:4

I want to thank you all for making this blog popular again, but mostly to thank God for blessing it.  I hope that you all find something in it that makes you think.  If you ever want a topic talked about email me at lesleyhooper.crn@gmail.com and I will make it happen!

Again thank you!

Experiencing Grace of God

Receive and experience the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, deep, deep within yourselves.

Philippians 4:23 

Before I get into this blog, let's look at the definition of grace.

noun

1. simple elegance or refinement of movement.

2.courteous goodwill.

verb

do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence.

I really like this word the more that I look into it. Simple elegance, courteous goodwill, do honor. God's grace could be then translated as God's honor to us by His presence. Or that God gives us courteous goodwill. Or that He is simple elegance.

So let's look at the verse above again but with the definition of grace put in it. Receive and experience the amazing courteous goodwill of the Master, Jesus Christ, deep, deep within yourselves. Do we feel the goodwill of Him we serve in ourselves? I know that I do! But then do I bring grace to others?

To those that bash the LGBT, do I bring grace? To those that hate, do I bring grace? To those that do me wrong, do I bring grace? If the answer is no, then I am not following the role model set by Christ. Even when being nailed to the cross, he said for God to forgive the men who were doing it. When people are nailing me to a spiritual cross because our views are not the same and they believe their way is the only way, can I do the same?

I would like to think so but at times, I am too busy putting them on a cross too. I use language like "don't judge me!" or "look at your own sin". I don't think for one minute that they deserve grace and a different response. I was reading that some times the down fall of the church is the members in the church. That is so true!

If we are beating each other up, then what will others think of us? We are to be the ones that extend grace and love. I get it, we don't always get that given to us, but that don't mean we can't in turn give it! It is like forgiveness, we give before even asked and no matter who it is!

That is a whole other subject! Back to grace, wouldn't you like to be known for giving it? Or having it? Are you simple elegance? Are you courteous goodwill? Do you do honor or credit to someone or something by your presence? I hope we all can say yes to these.

All this talk and yet we have not even touched on how to be a giver of grace! Well I know for me, it is found in gratitude. Wait what? Yes grace and gratitude go hand in hand. When I am grateful I find grace! When I am glad that you are in my life, you bring grace to it. When I am grateful for the hardships, I walk through them in grace.

I have to have an attitude of gratitude in order to have grace come in and go out of my life. In every moment of every day I can find gratitude and right there with it, grace! Most of the time we read, "Find grace in the Lord, and give thanks!" or some thing like that. But it shows us that the two go hand in hand. When you read the above scripture, could you not feel grateful for Christ giving us grace? Let us look at another: 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

I can see here how the writer Paul was in gratitude because of God's grace! Can't you? Paul writes about having a handicap and glad for it because God gives him grace and strength! Another thing that you find with grace is strength.

I am weak so He gives me grace which makes me strong! Look at these scriptures for a few examples:

Luke 2:40 And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.

2 Timothy 2:1 You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

See God's grace makes us strong, firm, and steadfast! We have to believe in it! Have it! And give it!

Will you give grace today?

Hate can come through even if in love

Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ. Let nothing in your conduct hang on whether I come or not. Your conduct must be the same whether I show up to see things for myself or hear of it from a distance. Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people’s trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they’re up against: defeat for them, victory for you—and both because of God. There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting. You’re involved in the same kind of struggle you saw me go through, on which you are now getting an updated report in this letter.

Philippians 1:27-30 The Message (MSG)

I am going to rant a second!  Just cause you think that being gay is a switch to turn on or off does not mean it is!  It is not like being fat and choosing to stay that way as it was put to me recently.  It is not like addiction that you manage.  Being gay is embedded into your soul.  Now, do I believe that we choose to act on it?  Yes, but you straight people choose to act on your straightness.  I know that this should not get under my skin but it did.

I wish people would say what they mean and not use stories to say it at times.  I get it, Christ always used a story, but there were times he just frankly stated something.  I guess you can say though that I am hurt that today people still see it as a choice and something that can be prayed away or turned off.

I keep reading the scripture above.  "Your courage and unity will show them what they're up against" sticks out.  Us in the LGBT+ community have to be in unity.  We have to have courage to speak up.  The other part that sticks out is "There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting."  I know now what it means to suffer in Christ and for Christ.

I suffer at the thought that I will never have a mate to come home to.  I chose this, but don't mean I don't suffer at it.  I suffer when others say you can't be gay and Christian.  I did not choose to gay, but I did choose my Christianity!  Yet some who are make it where I want to rethink this Christian thing.  Then I remember I chose Christ, not people, I chose His love, not others.  

My mind is racing as I type this and there is so much I wish to say.  I just can't get it to slow down enough to get it all out. 

I go to the first verse in the passage above.  "Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ"  Am I doing this?  Am I living where Christ is seen first in my life and not my sexuality?  My sexuality, though big to some, is just a small part of my life.  I am also a birth mother, daughter, diagnosed with mental health, alcoholic, mental health peer specialist, and more.  Not one thing defines me, but if one did, I would want it to be Christian. 

I don't know where I stand on some things and I know that is okay.  I know what to do till I do.  I trust God, first and foremost.  I compare things to His word, not just one translation but many.  I study and I learn.

Will I date one day or even shall I say marry another?  I don't know.  Right now celibacy is working and took a load off my mind. I do know that my choices are just that, mine!  I live with the consequences.  Not another pays my debts, except Christ did.  He chose to do so.

Okay, I will step down off my box.... I don't have all the answers, but I do know how to find them when God reveals them to me!

Dating me! or not. Celibacy or date?

How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights!

Song of Songs 7:6

I think that I am a good looking, fun loving, person, so why am I not dating someone?  Well, at first it was because I was not making a connection with people, but now, I have come to a new conclusion.  I have decided that I will date me.  I have decided to be celibate. 

This was not an easy decision.  I do believe that it is okay to be gay and Christian.  I believe it is okay to date and marry in the same sex.  I just don't feel that for me any more.  I feel like I am happier and closer to my God when I am not dating.  So, maybe just maybe the life of celibacy is for me.

So what is celibacy?  Webster says, "the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations".  So yes, this is my new life.  I just have a hard time thinking of no sex.  I mean in the past I used masturbation to get through not having anyone.  Now I am even rethinking that.

I want to be pure.  I want to be right in the eyes of God.  In the past I saw it okay to masturbate, yet now I don't know.  I did not find a single scripture that says specifically masturbation.  So, I don't know how I will treat that.  But this blog post today is about dating.

So if I am not dating, what am I doing?  I am taking myself out on dates, I am spending time in God's word, I am spending time praying.  I am filling the void of a person with the best thing possible, a relationship with God.

I found that where your time and money is spent, is your God.  So when I was with women, they were my God as I was spending my time and lots of money on them.  So, now I give to God, I give my time and money.

I get so caught up in a woman that I forget to give God time, I stop doing the things that made me prosperous. I am in pursuit of happiness and that is only found in God for me.  So I date God, I date me, and the rest can go to the friendship level.

So, will I loose some friends? Yes.  Will I not be popular? Yeppers.  Will I not have people want to date? Maybe.  I have to do me and me is found best in God.  I am His bride through the church.  He says that I am worthy of love and He freely gives it to me.

So celibacy is my new norm.

Helping others learn about lesbianism.

No scripture today, just thoughts.  I have many that don't approve of my lifestyle, but love me anyways.  This is hard as I can't just talk about it openly.  I have to skirt the subject.  I so wish though that these people would turn to affirming.  I support their heterosexual life.

I know that I could just let them be, but they are missing out on big parts of my life.  Like I can't talk about the amazing women I talk to or dates or anything that reaffirms that I am gay.  It is like it cuts a part of me away.

You would think that by now we would be more affirming, but no, not yet.  Yes things have come a long way in society, but not in the church.  No matter how much I suggest books to read. It does not happen.  No matter what scriptures I say, it falls on deaf ears.  No matter what, some just don't accept it.

You may be thinking just drop them if they can't accept all of me, but then I could not testify to them that Christian Lesbian is a real thing.  And besides, we are not talking acquaintances but family and life long friends.  It is hard to not be able to tell your own parents about your love life or dating experiences.  Every woman you go see has to be a friend and not more.

In fact, my family goes as far to say that I will be celibate the rest of my life. Uhm, no.  I want a wife.  I want to experience love again.  I want to be in love with my best friend (no not those I call my best friends, but a new best friend).  I want romance.

It is just hard.  I have some that are affirming, but their either gay or don't care if I am.  My three best friends don't care.  But I want my family on board.  It hurts to not share my life with them fully.  So, I let things not all be known to save from fighting.  I hide me.

Well, I am tired of hiding me for the sake of others.  I am tired of being in the closet cause being out makes another uncomfortable.  No I am not in it for the most part, just when around certain people.  I mean I hear about their relationships, their love life, but they don't hear about mine!?  What is up with that?

I tell people, you teach others how to treat you, but this one has me baffled.  I treat them with respect and stand behind them.  Yet, I don't get the same.  I don't know if things will change, but I had to get this out.

What do you do to help others accept and affirm you?